I Am

I was chatting with a friend the other day when it was mentioned that I was sensitive.(It wasn't a offense, I brought it up)
"I'm not really that sensitive, ok I guess I am. I'm working on it though, and I'm working on befriending those I'm annoyed(put annoyed, meant peeps that make me feel upset) by. It's on my list. I always have somthing to work on.", I replyed.
"wow...your really open, especcially on your blog" Was the persons reply.
I'm open, too.
"I believe in making it clear that I am not any better than you or anybodys else. Why should I hide(as in to pretend to be something I'm not)?
Besides, the Bible says to admit your imperfections and try to fix them." I returned.
"that's not exactly what I'm talking about, but yeah..."

So I learned at that time that I'm sensitive and open. And a lot older than I look. I've also learned that I'm crazy, and goofy.

Yeah, my sensitiveness is a fault...one that I am working very hard on. In fact, I've now befriended a couple people I used to be too sensitive towards. I'm near reaching my goal. Usually it's in volleyball or some other sport when I remind someone of a rule or something that might help them hit it better or something and I get the "whatever, I'll do what I want" look or I get ignored. It drives me mad. But, I recognized how I was reacting recently and realized that getting upset about it wasn't the right course of action. After a couple good readings in Proverbs and a good deal of prayer for patience and wisdom, I started giving out instructions less, for who am I to correct?, and started trying to encourage more. And when I do correct, I try not to get frustrated when I don't get the reaction I want. Ok, they do what they want. Their consequences are their own. I've automatically got the bossy gene since I have 6 brothers, and I have the tendance to be too bossy. So, still a lesson in progress; critisize less, encourage more.

Then there's the whole "open" thing. Yeah, I think writing out my thoughts and faults helps me realize what I need to work on. It comes to me pretty easy, and I find that a blessing.

I'm goofy? I object most strongly.

I'm crazy? Now that is a well known fact.

Calvinism Part 2 - The Unconfusing and Comprehendible

Okay, first of all I want to say want a Dummkopp I was earlier. I said I believe in the doctrines of grace...that's what Calvinists call their "Teachings of God's Sovereignty" Oops. I meant the other kind of doctrines of grace. Hehe. But, I was kind of mistaken in my last post. Where am I now?

I read some info on Calvinism today. It all makes sense, though a difficult realization. Except for one thing...

Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.
Philippians 2:12

That's the only thing keeping me from excepting this theology. Everything makes sense except for this verse. It contradicts Calvinism. It makes it their salvation, our salvation. Huh? I though the salvation is God's to give us. Why would we need to work out salvation?

I think it very well could be truth...but why would God give even a hint of it not being truth?
I'll be praying about this more...

Calvinism; The Confusing and Incomprehensible

Calvinism. It just doesn't make sense to me, and maybe someone can explain it to me better. I am completely open to debate on this. Please feel free to leave a comment.

Where am I confused?
The fact that Calvinism states that we humans have no choice in what we do, that all we do is God's choice, just doesn't fit. Wouldn't that mean that God made evil?  That God made us sinners with no choice to sin or not to sin just to throw us into hell for sinning? If God made us this way, fine. We are His creatures and He can do what he wants with us, but that God doesn't seem to fit in with the God of love that sent His son to die for our sins in our place.
I happen to know for a fact that God made us with free will...at least over certain things. Leviticus 19:5 says so.

And if you offer a sacrifice of a peace offering to the Lord, you shall offer it of your own free will.

So, we do have freewill, if only over certain things. But then, what things do we have freewill over, and what things do we not?

I believe God knows everything. I believe God has control over the entire universe, but I also believe that God gave Man choice over his actions, and that our choices are our own. God is still in control of us. He can stop us and take over whenever He wants. But, I don't think He does. Yes, God knows all things. Does that have to mean that He makes everyones choice for them? No. God knows what choices we're going to make, but I don't think He makes them for us. Because if He did He would be making us sin, which just doesn't make sense.

Maybe I'm not getting what Calvinism is. And maybe, you can help me understand.

What do I believe?
I believe that faith is a choice each of us has to make. I believe it is not a choice that can be chosen for us. I believe in the doctrines of grace.

The Drowning Man

There was a man who was drowning in the middle of the ocean. He called out to God saying, "Lord, save me!". And he believed God would.
A boat came by and saw the man drowning. The captain yelled, "Hey there! Climb aboard, we'll save you!" The man then said, "No sir, my God is going to save me."
The captain shrugged and continued on his way. Not too long afterwards another boat comes by.
"Climb aboard, we'll save you!"
"No sir, my God will save me!"
The man was about to drown when a third boat came along.
"Climb aboard, we'll save you!"
"No sir, My God will save me," the man replied is gasps.
The third boat sails away.

The man drowned.

When the man gets to heaven, he sees God face-to-face.
"God," he says,"I cried out Your name and put my trust in you to save me, but you didn't! Why, O my Lord? For I had faith in you like no other!"
"Child," God replies, "Your faith was steadfast, but the gifts I sent you were pushed away. I sent 3 boats to rescue you. Yet you turned everyone down because you were expecting huge miracles to save you. You would not except My way of saving you. It is not My fault you were not rescued, but your own."

This Post Shall Be Called...

Boys 101. Glorify God With All Of You Thought, Ways, and well, Ways!

The other day, actually night, 2 friends of mine were sitting in the back seat of our van talking about what we want in husbands, which was completely appropriate because it was about how the first thing was a passion for God. We were talking about what kind of a personality we'd like, too, but mostly about what the best quality is, which is of course a love for their Maker. I mentioned how I dreamed about what my wedding would look like, and who it would be with. Not specific people I know, but just what kind of a guy in general. You know, like what he'd look like, and what kind of inexpressible joy we'd have that day, junk like that. One of my friends agreed that she did that, too. I think at one point in a girls life she does do that. That is perfectly fine, God gave us an attraction to young men, which means that it's obviously not a bad thing. It gets bad when dreaming of your future becomes your world, and I admit that I came very close to doing just that about a year ago. At night my mind was filled with thoughts of future and love. About 3 months ago the realization that there was more to life struck me like a brick to the head. Let's play dodgebrick...Just kidding. That's a joke for a friend of mine. But, anyway, I decided to start reading a chapter of the Bible every night. I felt it was important to start doing that because I thought it would probably help to know some good places in the Bible for if I ever needed to help someone with a problem in their life, or to help explain something to someone. I had no idea how it would change my life. Jesus, He died. For me. Me. Evil, lying, disobedient, selfish, me. I've always known it, but never really understood completely. I've read about Jesus' death and resurrection many, many times. But, after I watched The Passion, and started reading the new testament, it just finally hit me. The glory really is God's alone.

To God alone, be the glory.
To God alone be the praise.
Everything I say and do, let it be all for you.
The glory is Yours alone.
- Aaron Shust

I still did think about what my marriage would be like, and what kind of a man my husband would be like, but now it was number 2 in my thoughts, at least I was trying to make it my 2nd. I felt like I was doing pretty good. Last night after chatting about how we can't wait, and how we want love to come to us, I went home thinking about our talk and how blessed I was to have friends who believe in the same things as I do. But that night as I was laying bed listening to the radio last night, I was thinking about my future, and how I thought I was still putting it too far before God. Then I heard this part of Tenth Avenue North's song, By Your Side.

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching, as if I'm not
enough?
To where will you go, Child?
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

Then I had to ask myself, "Why am I still dreaming about love when I have God?"
I decided right then and there that I would never allow myself to dream about the future again. God needs my full attention, and boy does He deserve it! Last night I did not fall asleep wondering about what color my wedding dress would be, but praying that God would help me to be strong enough to withdraw from my thoughts and focus on Him completely. It's going to be hard, I know it! Gee, I'm only 14 and it's hard enough. Imagine when I'm 17 or 18 and I'm really interested in someone, trying to keep him out of my thoughts! That's gonna be tough, but I trust that God will help me though it. He always has, He always will.

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:5